


South Park: The Fractured but Whole: The Musical

by Blazechan



Category: South Park
Genre: Gen, Musicals, South Park: The Fractured But Whole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-11-23 23:32:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18158486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blazechan/pseuds/Blazechan
Summary: (This is probably cringe I apologize)A musical twist on the 2017 South Park role playing game; South Park: The Fractured but Whole. Follows The New Kid who is again sucked into playing another game with the boys,thrust once again into another war. The time between two superhero factions; The Coon and Friends and The Freedom Pals. Using songs that are totally not just covers and/or just songs with changed lyrics.But as The New Kid will discover once again...This isn't just a game.New Kid (Erin Morel,my new kid) does not have any spoken lines,but they do sing.





	1. Coon and Friends,Assemble!

**[Opening shot,Main Street at Night.Cue Coon looking at a missing poster for Scrambles]**

 

"What has become of this city? There used to be laws.Justice. Not anymore"  The Coon said,then he scurried away down into the alleyway. "Crime is out of control. Cats are missing. and townspeople are being victimized." He continued as he ran down the alley. 

"AWW! Hey!,Who pooped on my porch?!" Stephen Stotch loudly asked in disgust. "What's going on with you?!" Linda Stotch asked approaching the door but then started shouting once she saw what Stephen was talking about 

"We were supposed to protect those who couldn't protect themselves" The Coon muttered as he hopped onto the roof of a civilians car. "Get off my car,you little pecker!" the car owner demanded and The Coon did just so. 

"Now superheroes are torn apart by political differences" Coon uttered as he ate french fries at McDonalds. "We are two sides,at war" He continued as he was peeing into a urinal,he faced the bathroom stall next to him to find a carving that said "Freedom Pals rule! Coon and Friends drool!" The Coon grimaced at the insulting graffiti. 

"But war isn't going to save our city. Time travel is my only hope now" The Coon said as he quickly took the missing poster from Scrambles and hurried on home. "Myth's tell of ancient times. When a new king united a kingdom,torn apart by a powerful stick" Coon explained as he read the pages of a book,telling of King Douchebag's feats. 

"Hi hon" Cartman's mother gleefully said to her son as he ran up the stairs "Shut up mom" Coon responded back to her as he went to his room. "There's no time to waste. I have to go back. Change the present if I can. and find this cat" he planned as he typed on a calculator; 1390. "And in doing so...perhaps I can change what has happened...to all of us" he hoped as he went into the closet and shut the door. 

**[Cue opening Song,[Ante Up (Madoka Version)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDu-2h8ZDhI) plays]**

**[Fastpass]**

Coon you know what time it is?

**[Human Kite]**

Coon and Friends,represent!

**[Mosquito]**

Awwww hell yeah,let's go!

 

**[Coon and Friends]**

Damn dirty bitches,becoming the Wenches 

Grindin' up and down 'cause he's grantin' all our wishes

Bring out my aces,like this game was poker

Banish all the bitches,thank you base Coon-a 

What a joker,the trick is in the wrist

Wish you shut your mouth Timmy,'cause you don't know what you missed!

Now Freedom Pals gettin' pissed and they're jackin' up my swag

When I'm finished with this shit,send my regards to the body bag!  
  
SOUTH PARK!  
  
Home of brave! Puttin' work to the street like a slave!

Keep a rugged dress code! Always in this stress mode!

 

**[The Coon]**

Being a hero is suffering

 

 **[Coon and Friends]**  
  
SO?!

You think I don't know that?!  
  
HUMAN KITE!

HOLD THAT!

SUPER CRAIG! 

HOLD THAT!

FASTPASS! 

HOLD THAT!  
  
From the soul,cousin' this ain't the time!

Should'a wished for more money,'cause now you ain't got a dime!  
  
ASSEMBLE!

Become A Hero! 

  
  
ASSEMBLE!

No,New Kid…  
  
Get a contract! Where my boys at?!  
  
If Scrambles goes missing 

WE GOTTA FIND THAT! 

ASSEMBLE! 

Become a Hero! 

ASSEMBLE!

No,New Kid…  
  
Takin' mageddon' leaves,yeah you need these!

I'mma fuck Chaos up! I'mma preach peace!

 

**["Ancient Zaron,627 A.D"]**

The Fighters of Zaron were battling against the Moorish,the sounds of clashing swords and arrows flying filled the air.

"The Moorish are attacking! There's Moorish everywhere!" Paladin Butters shouted as he was battling one of the Moorish soldiers "Don't let them get to our base!" Kyle ordered as he was fending off some of the Moorish.

"It's too late! They've taken Kupa Keep!-" Clyde replied in panic then he was attacked by a Moorish fighter. "Fellas! They got the base! You gotta stop them!" Jimmy,The bard pleaded,over Cartman's fence before being pulled down by the Moorish. 

"Fight the Moorish!" Kyle yelled "Their armor is too strong! They're wearing Bicycle helmets!" Feldspar responded 

"Where is the King?!" Kyle asked in wonder of King Douchebag's whereabouts.

 

**[Erin's/New Kid's House]**

Erin,in their kingly attire,left the bathroom,to see their parents outside in the hall,clearly not looking very happy. 

"We should be happy that he's made friends in this down so quickly!" Kelly,New Kid's mom said "We came here to hide! More friends means more trouble!" Chris,New Kid's dad argued. "You're being paranoid! You need to lay off that stuff it's changing you!" Kelly protested "Oh lay off! It's the one thing that helps me relax from your stupid shit!-" Chris yelled back. Then the two noticed Erin 

"Oh hey,whippersnapper!" Chris greeted his child,with a sudden mood change "Didn't see you there" he added a tiny bit worryingly. "Your friends are downstairs,Kiddo! Get out there and play!" Kelly encouraged her child,then the two left,Chris went to the parent bedroom and Kelly went downstairs both nervously laughing. 

New Kid looked into the parent bedroom keyhole,their dad was indeed paranoid as he opened the bedside table drawer,pulled out a brownie and took a bite out of it. New kid went down stairs,the went to go to the door but not before taking a glance at their mother who was crying and holding a wine glass,a concerned look came across Erin's face. 

They opened the door to see Kyle "My lord! The filthy Moorish are attempting to overtake Kupa Keep!" He explained then left to go fight "You gotta come fight,me leige! Your our only hope" Paladin Butters pleaded then when off the fight as well.

 

Erin left the house,to be faced with the Fighters of Zaron and the Moorish clashing,they soon were approached by two of the Moorish fighters. "What,you just moved to town and YOU get to be king?! I think your a little pussy!" one of the two shouted. 

Without hesitation,Erin punched The Moorish kid "Yeah he can't talk to you like that!" Paladin Butters egged on. Starting a fight between the The King and the Two moors,of course Erin defeated both of them. 

"We can't stop him! Ready the guards of the dark court!" The other moor ordered as he fled. "Wow! did you see that? The Kings amazing!" Kyle complimented "His powers are unparalleled!"  Butters added 

And so,The New Kid fought and took down the 3 guards of the dark court "Let's go,we got to get inside Cartman's house!" Butters told the King as he,Kyle,and The New Kid went over to Eric's house,which was guarded by two Moors who were standing behind a line of red lego bricks

"Stand aside or die,We're going that door!" Kyle demanded the two Moors "You can't" one of the two Moors replied "Oh yeah? Why not?!" Kyle asked in frustration "Because everything in front of here is lava!" The moor answered. 

"Oh dude,no way. All of that is lava?!" Kyle questioned in disbelief "Yup,everything from here to here is lava,You can't cross it!" The other Moor responded,using his spear to point to the lava,then the two went into the house. 

"SHIT!" Kyle shouted in anger "Come on let's get inside" Feldspar said,approaching the others "We can't they're saying everything in front of the door is lava" Kyle explained to Feldspar why they couldn't "Oh that's not fair!" Feldspar replied frustratingly "What do we do my King?!" Paladin Butters asked Erin 

"What do you do now? You die! Release the dragon!" One of the Moors announced as "The Dragon" was pushed out of the garage of the house next to Cartman's. "A Dragon!?" Kyle shouted in disbelief "We're fucked..." Feldspar said believing they couldn't defeat the dragon. "No way,our King's got this!" Paladin Butters encouraged.

 

The Dragon prepared to blow it's fiery breath but the King dodged it and was able to get one of the Moorish into the firing zone. It breathed it's fire which ended up defeating the Moorish kid. "Hah! Our King dodged it!" Kyle bragged "Ah,Dammit" one of the Moorish said in frustration. 

"Okay,if you get a fire breath attack,our King get's his Hammer of Heavenly Reign" Kyle said 

Then King Douchebag pulled out his ultimate weapon; The Hammer of Heavenly Reign and was about to bring down the pain "You can't stop the king-" Kyle bragged when suddenly- "Car!" Kyle announced "Car!" Feldspar said. The King went onto the sidewalk and The "Dragon" had to be pushed back onto the sidewalk. 

"Stay outta the street! Damn Kids!" The car driver complained as he drove past. "Clear!" Kyle announced,The King and the Dragon went back into the street. "As I was saying: You can't stop the king! He is all powerful!" Kyle finished his statement. 

King Douchebag pulled back out his Hammer of Heavenly Reign and brought it down about the "Dragon",killing it. "What a smiting!" One of the Moorish complimented in astonishment "Oh shit" Another Moor said. "Oh my god,he defeated the dragon!" another Moor announced "No frickin' way! That kid's amazing!" another Moor admired. And the Moorish retreated,except for the ones at Kupa Keep. 

Erin got to the top of the house through the garage,they slid down the roof and did a flip into Cartman's backyard. There The Bard was being interrogated by a few of the Moorish,one of them being Kevin Stoley. 

"Speak Bard! What happened to the Stick of Truth!?" Kevin demanded answers from Jimmy "The Wizard had it thrown into the ocean!" The Bard answered "Lies! You will feel the wrath of the Moorish!" Kevin replied angrily

"Unhand him you heathens!" Kyle demanded,as the rest of the Fighters of Zaron closed in "Release The Bard or you'll have the king to deal with!" Kyle threatened "The King!" one of the Moors holding Jimmy shouted in awe "They say he can slay a dragon with one blow!" The other moor said. 

"That's right! And if you don't- Wait,wait- woah...Where's the wizard?" Kyle asked. "Uh,I thought he was with you guys..." Jimmy replied "No,we got a distress signal to come help him here" Clyde corrected Jimmy. 

Then suddenly a familiar Raccoon shaped figure jumped in front of the Fighters of Zaron... 

 

 **End Chapter 1,To be continued in Chapter 2**  

 

 

 

 


	2. A Hero is Born

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Expect at least 2-3 songs per chapter this point onward.

"The Wizard is gone!" The Coon announced to the Fighters of Zaron. "My name is The Coon,I'm from the future!" He explained. "Dude,we said we're not playing that anymore" Feldspar reminded The Coon. "Yeah,we're all split up. What's the point?" Clyde asked. 

"This is the point!" The Coon answered,pulling out the missing poster for Scrambles he took. "In my time there is a massive crime wave and missing cats! I knew my only hope was to assemble the team" The Coon explained 

"Hey,you can't switch games like this-where's the stick of truth?" Kevin Stoley protested "Shut up Kevin,this isn't about some dumb stick! There's a cat in trouble and it's the key to finding the crime syndicate new to our town! In the future. The Coon responded.

"A crime syndicate? That...sounds too heavy for Coon and Friends" Clyde replied. "Well what do you want,Clyde?! You want the fucking Freedom Pals to find the missing cat,get the hundred dollar reward and make their superhero franchise more popular?!" Coon retorted Clyde's statement. 

"Fuck the Freedom Pals,dude" Kyle uttered "That's right" The Coon. Then Liane Cartman opened the backdoor,"Poopsiekins. There's a loud ringing from your basement playroom" She announced. "The Coon alert! Come on,Coon friends,go get your stuff and report back to The Coon lair! In the future!" The Coon ordered. 

"Coon and Friends,Assemble!" Jimmy declared,freeing himself from the two Moors that were holding him. "Sorry guys,you can't play with us. We're playing superheroes now,and you guys are dorks" Coon stated to the Moors. 

King Douchebag took a very long glance at Kupa Keep,which is or at least was their ruling ground. They felt like their title was stripped away from them,and rightfully so. They let out a deep sigh. As the three Moors left to clean up the streets and sidewalks. 

**[[Viva la Vida](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOQ4ld6NsXE) plays] **

 

**[Erin/New Kid]**

I used to rule the world  
Seas would rise when I gave the word  
Now in the morning I sleep alone  
Sweep the streets I used to own

  
I used to roll the dice  
Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes  
Listen as the crowd would sing  
"Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!"  
One minute I held the key  
Next the walls were closed on me  
And I discovered that my castles stand  
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand  
  
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing  
Moorish Calvary choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
Once you go there was never  
Never an honest word  
And that was when I ruled the world

  
It was the wicked and wild wind  
Blew down the doors to let me in  
Shattered windows and the sound of drums  
People couldn't believe what I'd become  
Revolutionaries wait  
For my head on a silver plate  
Just a puppet on a lonely string  
Oh who would ever want to be king?  
  
  
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing  
Moorish Calvary choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
I know Saint Peter won't call my name  
Never an honest word  
But that was when I ruled the world  
  
  
I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing  
Moorish Calvary choirs are singing  
Be my mirror, my sword and shield  
My missionaries in a foreign field  
For some reason I can't explain  
I know Saint Peter won't call my name  
Never an honest word  
But that was when I ruled the world

 

Once they were done lamenting,they entered the house. They remembers that Liane mentioned the basement,and that they saw the Coon and Friends enter said basement. So they walked over and tried to open the door but unfortunately for them the door wouldn't open,it was locked. They noticed a keypad near the door.  

"Oh,did you get locked out? I'm afraid little Eric put a lock on the door to keep me out. I'm sure he has the passcode written up somewhere..." Liane told The New Kid. Erin went upstairs into Cartman's room. They saw and fetched his journal from behind the bedside lamp. 

The journal was almost completely crudely scribbled with a bunch of sticky notes stick of it. Opening the journal,New kid saw...things that no 10 year old should ever draw,think,or even know about. With some other things in between like a basketball ticket,Christmas wish list.and a list of Eric's enemies. But it was one page that had what Erin was looking for.

That page had a picture of a safe,which were two flaps similar to a pop up book,which of course was surrounded by writings of "BEWARE" and "Do NOT Open! Coon only",assuming of course people would get to that page after having a glimpse at the crude,crass and downright inappropriate drawings. 

Opening the flaps,New Kid found the passcode which was: "Fuck You Mom" Typical Cartman,after giving the passcode a quick glimpse so they could remember it,they closed the journal,and threw it into the closet,not wanting to see what laid in the journal ever again.

As New Kid came down the stairs they saw Liane talking with someone on the phone with a worried look on her face. "Yes,officer,somebody appears to have put lava in front of my door" she said "Well-no it's not hot,but...my son told me I will burn to death if I try and cross it" She continued. 

Erin entered the passcode into the security keypad,which worked! and they opened the door with no problem. 

Entering the basement-er I mean "The Coon Lair" Erin stood went down a few steps to eavesdrop on the meeting the Coon and Friends were having. 

"Maybe we should go to Raisins and see if the waitresses know anything" Mosquito suggested. "That's not enough,Mosquito! We have to act fast before the Freedom Pals can!" The Coon protested. The Coon pulled out the poster of Scrambles again. 

"A hundred dollar reward. Do you know what that could mean to our superhero franchise?!" The Coon said. "That cat looks pretty old,maybe it just died in a gutter somewhere" The Human Kite argued. "Human Kite do I have to remind you that as of right now Freedom Pals have a hundred followers on Instagram?! We have six! The five of us and Billy Turner,who's a ginger. THIS is the key to finally beating those fuckers!" The Coon reminded Human Kite. 

"But where do we start looking? That cat could be anywhere." Fastpass asked 

"We need to split up. Mosquito. Take to the air and check out all the city parks" The Coon ordered "You got it! Mosquito away!" Mosquito replied and left the Coon Lair,passing Erin,hardly noticing them. 

"Human Kite,see if the cat is stuck up in a tree somewhere. You've got the storm drains,Super Craig" The Coon commanded. The two left The Coon lair once again ignoring The New Kid,Super Craig saying his iconic announcement of "Super Craig!" 

"Fastpass,I need you to use your superhuman speed to get to the Mayor's office and tell her we're on the case" The Coon ordered to Fastpass. "Don't worry Coon,you can count on F-F-F-Fastpass to get there f-f-f-fast" Fastpass responded and left the lair,only politely telling Erin "'excuse me" as he left. 

New Kid went down the rest of the stairs to see The Coon typing away at the Coon lair's "computer",which was really just a bunch of cardboard boxes and an Ipad that was taped onto the front the "monitor".

"Super Craig? Super Craig,this is Coon. Do you copy? Super Craig,the fuck are you? I repeat,the fuck are you? Super Craig?" Coon frustratingly said as he wanted Super Craig to answer his facetime message request. 

The Coon turned to see King Douchebag. "Oh great,now the security system isn't working?! Dude,what the fuck? Ordinary citizens aren't allowed in the Coon Lair! We're playing superheroes now and you aren't a superhero,New Kid,so...fuck off! OK?" Coon scolded The New Kid and went back to typing on the "computer" 

Erin said nothing to what The Coon said to them and just stood there,The Coon turned to New Kid again. "Ugh,all right look,you can watch us play superheroes as long as you don't get in the way. Make yourself useful,go grab me the Stafernisy device. It's over there" Coon commanded. 

New Kid did as they were told,and gave The Coon the "Stafernisy device" "Well that took long enough. Stafernisy device active" Coon said as he used the device. 

"You really want to be a superhero,Huh? Play with the big boys?  Well,maybe...MAYBE you can be useful. Have a seat at the table,Douchebag." The Coon told King Douchebag. New kid and The Coon sat and the opposite ends of the table.

"Well New kid,if you want to play superheroes you have to know the ropes. Starting with knowing about your leader,The Coon" Coon said to NK 

**[[The Mad Hatter](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xc9PICpnAhI) starts playing]**

 

**[The Coon]**

Well Hello, there, it's me

With how it's gonna be,

Settle down and listen up good.

 

The wizard is gone

But the show must go on

Done by me, is that understood?

 

So shut up and tow the line,

While I redefine

How this all will be mine.

 

I have a dream,

It's got a full head of steam!

 

What is true what is not

Can both change in a shot

And people, me,

I couldn't care less.

 

'Cause in two seconds flat

Livin' under my mask

Is the strategy for success.

 

I will look the other way

If you want to play

Something dumb like croquet.

You catch my drift?

My little personal gift!

 

I'm the Coo-ooo-oon

Come and follow me, this is it.

The Coo-ooo-oon,

All you gotta do is submit.

And if you don't my friend,

Well then in the end,

There'll be nothing left to defend.

Know what I mean?

When you are facing Timmy.

 

Uppercase, double-spaced

Everyone gets a taste,

And a brand new character sheet.

 

 But to participate,

Let me reiterate

You must first put me in command.

 

I'm the wonder, understand,

Under this whole plan,

Put the reigns in my hand.

I'll do the rest,

As soon as you've acquiesced!

 

I'm The Coo-ooo-oon

Offering a little bit more.

The Coo-ooo-oon ,

Giving you what you're looking for.

 

I am your best worst case

For the choice you face,

And the fastest coon in the race!

It's me or Timmy

And his surreal mind reading.

 

There is nothing I won't do,

There is nothing too taboo,

I will lie, I will cheat,

I will track you down

And then hit delete tout suite!

So New Kid let me repeat...

I'm The Coo-ooo-oon,

Lend allegiance while you still can,

The Coo-ooo-oon

More than just a coon with a plan.

I am where you belong,

The right kind of wrong,

And I'll still be going real strong!

 

The bottom line

Is everything will be fine.

As all the planets align,

It's gonna be so divine.

When all of this will be MINE!!

 

"Alright,in order to play superheroes...you need to have a superhero persona. Then you can fill out your character sheet on Coonstagram." The Coon explained to The New Kid,whilst clearing his throat. "Do you have a Coonstagram page?" The Coon asked NK,who in return said nothing.

"Ohh boy,you're not even on Coonstagram,huh? Well,I guess I can create one for you...Fucking unbelievable...Let's see" The Coon replied in disappointment as he was making NK a Coonstagram page. 

"So the first thing we need to fill out on your character sheet is your class,You know. What kind of superhero are you? Since you're a newbie,you can only choose between three, for now" Coon explained and gave Erin 3 class options,Brutalist,Speedster,and Blaster.

Erin picked the Blaster class

"Ok Douchebag,but now we need to find out what terrible thing in your past drives you. You see,douche,all superheroes have a compelling backstory. It's from this backstory that backstory that their powers gain meaning. Let's take you back to when you were just a child..." 

 

**[Flashback,New Kid's Room]**

 

"You lay awake that night...Like so many other nights you couldn't sleep because you knew you weren't like the other kids...You walked to the mirror" The Coon narrated,as Erin laid awake in bed in their red and dark blue footie pajamas. They got up and walked to the mirror as The Coon said.

"You looked in the mirror and you felt alone. And that's when it happened. A loud noise. You swore you could hear your mother calling for help." The Coon said as a feminine sound was heard. 

"You left your room" Coon continued as Erin opened the door and went out into the hallway. 

"Out in the hallway,you saw two intruders in front of your parents' door! You had to stop them from hurting your parents! You knew you had the power to stop them and so you called upon your newly discovered power!" The Coon dramatically stated as Erin called upon their blaster powers. 

 "As a blazing blaster hero,you began to overheat as the fire in your belly ignited!" The Coon announced as Erin prepared for battle. 

"You wasted no time delivering sick burns unto the villains before you" The Coon said as Erin blasted three fireballs from their hands onto the intruder in front of them,putting the burning statis effect on him. 

"As the flames cleared,the intruders realized what they were up against" The Coon narrated,"Shit! This little flamer means business!" The intruder that was hit spoke. "Didn't your mom tell you not to play with fire?" the other intruder snarked. 

"The intruders moved in to attack!" The Coon announced and the other intruder hit Erin with his crowbar. "You left us no choice,kid" The first intruder said,but he burned up a bit after saying that. 

Then a third intruder came out from the bathroom "With the enemies closing in,you gave yourself some space by knocking your foes back!" The Coon said and Erin punched the two intruders back with a fist of fire. The second intruder crashing into the third one. 

"But the intruders wouldn't take getting pushed around lightly" The Coon continued "Hey,you can't push us around like that" The second intruder protested and hit Erin with his crowbar. The three intruders lined up all in a row. 

"Little did they know.They set themselves up for destruction" The Coon spoke as Erin charged up a lazer beam and shot it at the three intruders like a Kamehameha,defeating the first one who was still burning "So...much range..." The intruder said. 

"I'll just get out of the way" The second intruder declared and he got out of the way of the third intruder. "His comrade fallen,the extra ugly one closed in" The Coon said and the third intruder hit punched Erin and knocked them back. "Not so hot now,ya little flamer!" The third intruder mocked. "Yeah we showed him!" The second one added

"You were gravely injured,but the intruder's blows only awakened the fires that burned within you. You swallowed the pain and unleashed your ultimate attack!" The Coon announced and Erin did just so

**[Ultimate Attack! Backfire Blast!]**

Erin swallowed a fireball that coursed through their bowels,Erin let out a torrent of flame and gas that defeated the two intruders. The first and second intruders fled while the third one laid down on the floor.

"And so you beat them! All seemed to be ok,but then you finally reached your parents' door" The Coon narrated as Erin opened the door to their parents' bedroom only to see... the unthinkable....

"And what you saw when you opened that door changed your life forever and led you to fighting crime. You were to late to. Because when you opened that door,you saw...You saw your dad...fuck your mom..." The Coon declared. 

**[Flashback End]**

"Wow. That's a pretty heavy backstory. You fight crime because you never forgot the night you weren't in time...And you saw your father...the man you trusted. Fuck your mom. It's like a ripple in time you can't ever change,isn't it?" The Coon told New Kid sympathetically.

"Alright now that you're a superhero. I have a mission for you" The Coon said to The New Kid. "I need you to go out into town and get as many followers as you can on Coonstagram. It's the only way our franchise will survive" The Coon explained to Erin.

And so,The New Kid,now known as "The Amazing Butthole" or just simply "Butthole" left Cartman's house,ready to get those followers...

A great journey begins... 

 

**End Chapter 2,To be continued in Chapter 3**

 

 

 


	3. New Followers,New Friends,and New Foes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SC= Super Craig  
> AHK= Alternate Human Kite
> 
> There's only one song in this chapter,just like the prolouge/chapter 1

And so,New Kid set off to gain followers for Coonstagram. Not a really exciting task,but there isn't much to expect when your a newbie. Fortunately Erin had a good habit of gaining followers easily,starting off with Ms.Farnickle,the mailman,Kevin Stoley,and a few other people, but mainly Moorish kids. 

Suddenly,The Coon showed up on the New Kid's video feed "Not bad,Butthole,you're gaining followers pretty fast. Keep up the good work. I'm still having trouble reaching some of the Coon Friends. You might wanna see what's going on" The Coon told Butthole,then the video ended. 

Craig and Kyle's house were marked on The New Kid's phone,after taking a moment to decide where to go first. They decided to go to Craig's house,walking left past the bus stop sign to see a group of older kids blocking the way to main street,then Coon went on the video feed again. 

"Look out,Buttlord! Those are sixth graders. They are the most vile,evil beings known to superheroes" Coon warned,then signed off. "You guys are stupid,everyone knows Keifer's mom has the nicest boobs" The Sixth Grader Leader proposed to his comrades "Dude,shut up about my mom's boobs,bro" Keifer demanded "Why don't you make me,zit face!?" The Leader responded. 

"You guys wanna go to the movies? There might be some boobs in Wonder Woman" One of the Sixth Grader's suggested "Movies are dumb,let's go shoot some hoops" The Leader protested "Basketball's stupid bro" The sixth grader retorted.

New Kid walked past the sixth graders,and as per usual said absolutely nothing. 

Whilst walking to Craig's house,New Kid saw Bartles,a Sixth Grader beating up a nerdy kid with glasses and holding a frog. "When I finish kicking your butt,I'm gonna kick your stupid frogs butt!" Bartles declared as he was punching Peter Mullen. "Frogs don't have butts! They have cloaca!" Peter corrected Bartles whilst still being beat up. 

Erin decided to intervene and used a familiar cup-a-spell type move onto Bartles,making grossing him out and freeing Peter. New Kid punched Bartles to fight him.

 

**[Battle Start! Defeat Bartles]**

Starting the battle,Bartles vomited on the floor from The New Kid's fart,"Please don't die,New Kid!" Peter pleaded as New Kid was ready to do their first attack,Triple burn!,shooting three fire balls at Bartles,he was now burning on top of being grossed out. 

"Yes! That was awesome!" Peter complimented,but then Bartles closed in and gave Erin a wet willy. "Eww,so gross!" Peter commented,Bartles vomited and then burned causing much damage,then it was New Kid's turn again "You've got him on the ropes!" Peter said

New kid then used their flaming punch onto Bartles,sending him back "The tables have turned!" Peter announced with glee "Shut up,Fourthie!" Bartles retorted in anger "If nothing else,beating you is very therapeutic for me" he added. Then he gave New Kid a titty twister yelling "Titty Twister!" as he did so "Uh oh,that looked painful" Peter uttered feeling pretty bad for The New Kid. 

"Wow! Your so brave!" Peter commented as New Kid brushed off the titty twister like it was no big deal. Shortly after that,They shot a lazer beam out of their hands,Kamehameha style. Injuring Bartles very close to the point of defeat. "The bully has become the bullied!" Peter shouted in triumph "I'm still the bully!" Bartles protested.

Bartles punched Erin in the knee,knocking them down,with them planting their hands onto the ground,"Hang in there,New Kid!" Peter said,then Bartles vomited and burned once more,defeating him

"Wow,you really beat him! You saved me!" Peter congratulated,feeling very thankful The New Kid stepped in.

 

Coon came onto the video feed again  "Wow. Nice work,New Kid. You took down a sixth grader! Keep it up" The Coon announced,impressed by The New Kid's feat and signed off shortly after saying that. Then New Kid and Peter took a selfie together,adding Peter Mullen to their list of Coonstagram followers. 

Erin then continued until they came in front of a brown house "Soon you will be approaching Super Craig's Fortress of Solitude. Super Craig hasn't checked in...I hope nothing's wrong" The Coon explained through video feed and then signed off again. 

New Kid knocked on the door of Craig's house,Super Craig opened in the door shortly after. "Greetings citizen,it is I,Super Craig!" Super Craig greeted The New Kid in his triumphant way, New Kid,of course,didn't respond "I'm sorry but I cannot assist anyone with their problems right now.Super Craig can't find his guinea pig" Super Craig explained "Go tell The Coon,i'm not playing until I find Stripe" He told NK 

"He's not just a normal guinea pig. He belongs to me and my ex-boyfriend. That's right,Super Craig is gay. I'll bet Stripe is down in the basement again " SC said as he searched around for Stripe 

New Kid entered the house and went down into the basement along with Super Craig "I'll stand by the stairs and keep him from escaping! You do the rest,Butthole. Be careful,this is probably the most challenging mission you've ever been given" SC told New Kid as he stood at the bottom of the stairs. 

Eyeing the vent in the pipe,which was cracked. They knew they needed to break it to free Stripe "Look,there he is! In the vent,way up high" Super Craig said. New Kid eyed the fully stocked box of Snap N Pops and grabbed them "Oh,sweet. Those might be handy,You're welcome" Super Craig uttered.

New Kid threw one of the Snap N Pops onto the vent,breaking it. Stripe holding onto the ledge of the pipe,wiggling his tiny feet. "Woah,almost,Do it again!" Super Craig told New Kid who did just so,throwing a Snap N Pop at Stripe ,causing him to fall off "Woah,there he goes!" Super Craig uttered and scurry onto the power box "Quick,hit that box with your thing" Super Craig told The New Kid.

Erin threw a Snap N Pop into the fireworks box,setting the wicks ablaze,after a few seconds the fireworks exploded causing Stripe to fall off the power box "Woah,shit!" Super Craig hollered as the fireworks exploded. "I can't believe you just did that,you're so good at this!" Super Craig commented in his own craigish way of excitement. Stripe scurried behind the laundry bin. 

New Kid pulled the laundry basket,Stripe scurrying into the floor level vent on the wall through a bent bar "Wow,that looked like it required so much skill!" Super Craig said sarcastically. New Kid thought about how to get Stripe out of the vent. 

"Use the power of your ass to overwhelm his supersensitive smell!" SC suggested,The New Kid went towards the vent and did just so,letting one rip to get him out of the vent. Stripe wobbled out of the vent,Super Craig picking him up and petting him.

"Yes,Stripe,a brilliant rescue! But it wasn't just me. We have Buttlord and his sickening asshole to thank" Super Craig declared and put stripe in a rather large cage for a guinea pig,different than the bedside table size ones,for sure. 

"You did it,newbie! If you ever need help,you can count on Super Craig!" Super Craig announced to Erin. The two took a selfie together,adding Craig to the Coonstagram follower count. 

Then New Kid left the house,Super Craig now one of his allies to aid him in battle. 

 

As New Kid was on there way to Kyle's house,they noticed red lava bricks in front of the garage door of Jimmy's house. "STOP! New Kid,STOP!!! You see all those little red lego bricks? That's lava. You try and cross lava,you die. Don't even touch it!" The Coon warned on the video feed.

"Wait,this doesn't even make sense...Who would put lava there?" The Coon questioned. Then suddenly Professor Chaos came on the video feed,doing his maniacal laugh. "Take that,Coon Friends!" Professor Chaos barked "Professor Chaos!" The Coon exclaimed. 

"That's right,Coon! I have strategically placed lava throughout the town. I can't make it too easy for you. What good is this world without a little...CHAOS?" Professor Chaos monologue then maniacally laughed again,instructing someone else to turn off the video feed. 

"We'll deal with Chaos when the time is right. For now,we have to keep our eye on the prize. Coon. Out." The Coon explained,then signed off. 

 

Whilst on the way to Kyle's house,The New Kid saw Randy Marsh buffing his car of scratches "Who would do such a thing?! It's so mean!" Randy muttered to himself. Erin approached Randy,"Hey,kid. You know anything about this? Somebody is keying my wife's car at night." Randy explained to The New Kid "It's happening EVERY night. I thought it was just one of you damn kids but well...Here,come take a look at this. Randy said,He and The New Kid entered the garage 

"Whoever's scratching the car is also leaving notes. I'm just scared it's a...jilted lover or something" Randy told New Kid,in a very concerned tone while holding up three pieces of paper. "You won't forget me THAT easily" "I thought we had something" "I'll tell the world about you,bitch" he read "Listen,I'm sick of having to buff that shit out. If you can catch whoever's keying my wife's car tonight,I'll follow you on Coonstagram" he offered

"Trust me: You want me as a follower-I'm a pretty big deal in this town" He said and grabbing the buffer and leaving the garage to buff the scratches. 

 

New Kid hurried on over to Kyle's house,which was right next door to Stan's "Ah,I've see you've made it to the Palace of The Clouds. That's home base to Human Kite. Perhaps you can find him inside..." The Coon told Erin through video. 

New Kid entered the house to see Human Kite staring at the top of the stairs from the bottom steps and approached him. Human Kite noticed The New Kid and got pretty irritated "Who the hell are you?" Human Kite asked in a not very pleased manner,New Kid of course didn't respond to that question. "REALLY?! You send a newbie to my distress call?! You're such a dick,Coon!" Human Kite cursed,looking up at the ceiling. 

"Sorry kid,but my problem is too big for a rookie. A few days ago...there was a anomaly in the universe. Another version of me-the Human Kite from an alternate dimension-showed up here and destroying everything. Right now it's upstairs,in my room. I don't think anything can stop it..." Human Kite explained 

New Kid ignored the warning about the job being to big for a "rookie" and went upstairs after Kyle,the two stood in front of the door to Kyle's room. "Human Kite from another universe is behind this door. I can't fight him for obvious reasons,you know alternate universe paradox shit. So,you are going to have to take him out. You've got to really kick his ass dude,so he wants to return back to HIS universe on the East Coast" Human Kite told The New Kid. 

"You ready? Alright,go get 'em" Human Kite said and both rushed into Kyle's room. Alternate Human Kite was on the bed,pretending to fly,he noticed the two. " Oh hey,Kyle. I'm Baaaaaaaack" AHK announced. "Who's your friend. Did he come to play with us?" he asked. 

"All right,me from another universe! It's time for you to go back to your universe!" Human Kite declared. "What do you mean,Kyle? We're a team,remember? I'm not from another universe; we're like best super pals!" AHK responded 

"As you can see,he is the one running around giving the Human Kite a bad name. He was sent here to destroy me and weaken my powers" Human Kite told The New Kid. "No,no I came to spend weeks with my cousin and wanted to play superheroes! And then he said he said, "OK,what superhero do you want to be?" and I said "I want to be Human Kite" But he said "You can't be Human Kite. I'm Human Kite" and I said "Well why can't we be Human Kites together?" And so I went to Aunt Sheila and I said "I want to be Human Kites together" and she told him he had to do what I said because I was the guest" AHK rapidly and longingly explained. 

"Remember?" 

"I'm sorry,me from an alternate universe,but it is time for you to learn that playing superheroes is too painful!" Human Kite declared "New Kid,you must destroy my alter ego" Human Kite told New Kid "Oh. Jesus,we're gonna fight?" Cousin Kyle asked,surprised. 

"That's right. If you really want to play,then THIS is how you do it!" Human Kite answered "Well,alright. Anything to make me and my cousin more alike! Prepare for battle,weakling!" AHK announced 

 

**[Battle Start! Defeat Alternate Human Kite]**

"I haven't done a whole lot of sparring,Is this a no contact thing?"AHK asked "Full contact,not sparring" Human Kite answered "Oh. I'm afraid that's impossible,I didn't bring my pads." AHK responded. 

Erin readied their stance for their triple burn. "Cousin Kyle! We can beat him if we join forces! AHK offered "Yeah I really want to but parallel universe rules say I can't" Human Kite replied. Erin threw three fire balls at Cousin Kyle,giving him the burning status effect. 

Then it was AHK's turn. "Oh my,there's a lot of decisions in this game,aren't there?" Cousin Kyle commented "You could not play! That's a decision you could make!" Human Kite persuaded "Oh,don't be silly" Cousin Kyle refuted. Then shot lazer beams at Erin. 

"Oh,you guys,time out,my vertigo is starting to act up" Cousin Kyle announced as The New Kid's turn started "Jesus,come on,dude" Human Kite responded either disgusted or annoyed. New Kid ignored Cousin Kyle's announcement and used their flaming punch on him,sending him across the room. "Hey,take it easy tiger,I bruise very easily" AHK told New Kid 

"OK,I think my inner ear fluids have stabilized now. That last hit didn't count,right? I'm undoing the damage,OK Kyle?" AHK said and "healed" himself "That's some classic alternate-universe bullshit" Human Kite ranted. Cousin Kyle shot some more eye lasers at The New kid. 

"Hold on,I need a time out so that I can use my inhaler" Cousin Kyle stated. Once again,New Kid ignored AHK's statement and shot a laser beam out of their hands at Cousin Kyle. 

"Wait,I thought I should get this turn instead of the New Kid because he didn't wait when I said time out earlier,so I think it should be my turn now" AHK suggested "Are you kidding?! That's totally cheating!" Human Kite protested. 

"Yeah I think this would be a lot more fair if I had a shield. Some kind of shield,like this Sefer Torah,which also has great sentimental value" Cousin Kyle said "Dude,Human Kite is an alien,there's no Jewish stuff involved! And you can't just make up powers in the middle of battle!" Human Kite ranted. "I'm not making it up; It's totally canon in my alternate universe" AHK explained. Human Kite let out a growl of annoyance and anger. 

AHK took out a Sefer Torah scroll and "shielded" himself. New Kid retaliated by using their flame punch on Cousin Kyle. Then it was AHK's turn again. 

"All right,here we go,my super ultimate power,Get ready...are you ready?" Cousin Kyle announced as he was climbing onto the bed. "Oh,Jesus" Cousin Kyle muttered.

"OK,Wrath of Kite from an Alternate Universe!" AHK hollered,prepared to launch his attack then-

He jumped off the bed,body slamming into the ground,blood coming out of his nose. 

 

"Oh! Oh,Jesus! I think I might have ruptured my hernia!" Cousin Kyle said in pain,getting up from his injuries. "You've had enough,alternate me?" Human Kite asked "Yeah,this superhero stuff really hurts. I better go back to my universe." AHK replied,still writhing from the pain. "Oh. You're leaving? Dude,that sucks" Human Kite said sarcastically "Yeah,I'll be going back to my universe now,Human Kite. I need some Campho Phenique for my ear because I got a scrape on it from being farted on" Cousin Kyle responding going down the stairs. 

"Dude,I don't know how to thank you. From now on call on me whenever you need help" Human Kite told The New Kid. The two took a selfie together,thus adding Kyle as a Coonstagram follower. 

New Kid then left the house,now having Human Kite as another ally to assist them in battle.

"Not bad,New Kid,not bad. Way to go out and get some followers on Coonstagram,I think you're ready for the next level,head back to the Coon Lair" The Coon congratulated on the video feed. 

 

Erin quickly got back to The Coon lair,the Coon was waiting for them "Ah,there you are,Butthole." "Being a superhero is a little harder than you thought,huh? It's ok! You totally suck,but I can't help but feel sorry for you,because your dad fucked your mom when you were a child. Come this way" The Coon said to The New Kid and went to a table with New Kid following closely behind them. 

The two approached a red box with the Coon symbol on it. "I'm going to teach you about artifacts. You see,most superheroes augment their abilities with specialized equipment." The Coon explained,opened the box and took out a red fidget spinner.

"You see this? It's a strength artifact" Coon told The New Kid,spinning the fidget spinner and pretending to make spinning noises. "You'll find stuff like these all over town. The trick is to equip them into your artifact slots. Go on.give it a shot" The Coon instructed and New Kid did just so. 

"You'll find more artifacts out there during your superhero adventures. You can even craft your ow. Just remember - with great power comes great chicks and money" The Coon told New Kid. 

"I think you're ready to take on those sixth graders now. Go give them hell...Buttlord" The Coon said and walked over to the table,New kid left the Coon Lair to take those sixth graders on. 

 

New Kid approached the entrance to main street,which was still blocked by sixth graders. This time,two were fighting over a rock and the others were looking for cats,all while they had their bikes set there,one with a basket full of fireworks that were unattended. 

"Here Kitty! Here kitty kitty kitty!" Keifer hollered,as he was looking for cats. "Just throw a rock at it!" one of the sixth graders fighting with the other suggested "No,I get to throw a rock at it!" the other one refuted as the two tugged on the rock. "Just throw a firecracker instead!" the first sixth grader offered "Nuh uh,those are expensive! Gimme the rock!" The other one protested 

"You pussy! C'mon,light that shit!" The first one demanded "No,I'm throwing this rock!" The other one refused "Throw something,you assholes!" Keifer commanded

Erin sneaked up a bit,and threw one of their Snap N Pops into the basket of fireworks,lighting the wicks ablaze then cupping a fart to make them explode,causing damaged to some of the sixth graders. 

"Hey! it's that little fourthie again! All right fourthie! Time to teach you a lesson!" Keifer declared and approached The New Kid,Erin responded by slugging Keifer starting their first team battle. 

 

**[Battle Start! Defeat the Sixth Graders]**

Super Craig and Human Kite joined the New Kid in their battle against the sixth graders. "Are we really going to take on the sixth graders?" Super Craig asked "No mercy,guys!" Human Kite barked. 

"Sure,invite all the fourthie friends you want to this ass kicking. More ass for me." One of the sixth graders said. "Yeah,nice outfits,tools!" One of the sixth graders mocked. New kid started the battle by unleashing triple burn onto Keifer,who was one of the only two sixth graders not burned by the fireworks explosion. 

"That's going to leave some scars" Super Craig commentated,then it was Human Kite's turn "Feel the wrath of...Human Kite!" Human Kite declared "Stupid fourthie with a kite on his back!" One of the sixth graders teased. Human Kite responding by shooting the sixth grader with his eye beams. 

Then it was one of the sixth graders turn,they hit Super Craig with a haymaker "Have your boyfriend massage that for you" the sixth grader taunted "Hey,fuck you,I'm Super Craig!" SC quipped "Stupid Craig?" The sixth grader retorted "I said fuck you" Craig retaliated back,using his mega palm punch on the sixth grader,knocking them back a bit. 

Then another sixth grader used booger fling on The New Kid,grossing them out. Despite that,they shot their palm laser at Keifer,then vomiting on the road. Human Kite gave Erin a shield so gross out damage wouldn't hinder them as much. 

"Come and get me,dick" Super Craig said and flipped the bird at the sixth grader that was near Human Kite,both enraging the sixth grader and giving SC a protective barrier to block attacks. 

The sixth grader tried to go after Super Craig but was blocked by Human Kite,Keifer then took out a balloon and started to pee in it. "Don't stand in the firing range!" Human Kite instructed. 

New Kid knocked one of the sixth graders into Keifer using their flaming punch,defeating the sixth grader,Keifer was still standing. "What?! Sixth Graders can't die! We're immortal!" One of them declared angrily. 

Super Craig and The New Kid were successfully able to take down the rest of the sixth graders leaving only Keifer and another sixth grader left left. Keifer threw the piss balloon onto the other remaining sixth grader,defeating them. Human Kite finally defeating him using his laser eyes.

 

"Man,we kicked some sixth grade ass!" Human Kite said in triumph "OK,that was pretty badass" Super Craig commented "We make a good team!" Human Kite said,Super Craig and Human Kite walking off in separate directions. 

"Alright! That was sweet! Wait until it gets on the internet on how the Coon and Friends beat up four sixth graders! This is GREAT for our superhero franchise! Kind of sucks for you though,New Kid,cause now the sixth graders are gonna be coming after you. You probably shouldn't have done that. That was pretty stupid. OK,now go get our superhero franchise more followers!" The Coon told New Kid on the video feed. New Kid went to main street and hoisted the fast travel flag,Fastpass became one of Erin's fighting buddies.

 

New Kid made their way to Raisins,where Mosquito was at,they knew this because of Clyde's coonstagram posts about the wings at Raisins. "That's Raisins,New Kid. Mosquito must be inside. Get in there but do not be tempted by their amazing wings and hot bitches" The Coon warned. 

They entered Raisins,Mercedes walked over to them "Hi,welcome to Raisins! Just one of you today?" She asked,Erin of course,didn't give her a response,not that it was needed "Well,come on over here,cutie!" She said,guiding Butthole to their given table,New Kid sat down in one of the chairs "One of our Raisins Girls will be right with you!" Mercedes notified and then walked away. 

New Kid saw Mosquito surrounded by two of the waitress "Isn't he just the cutest thing?" Heather asked "He sure can eat a lot of wings" the other commented,Mosquito clearly enjoying it "Yeah,so then I flew into the sky and I beat up all the bad guys" Mosquito told them,clearly almost in a trance or daze. "Wow,I didn't know Mosquito's could be so tough" Heather complimented. 

Mercedes walked over to Mosquito's table "Another plate of wings,cutie?" she asked "Sure.just put them on my tab" Mosquito answered "Big spender..." Mercedes murmured,walking off to go get Mosquito's order.  

Butthole approached Mosquito's table "Hey,beat it kid,these are MY women! What superhero are YOU?!" Mosquito harshly told Butthole,then Mosquito realized what he forgot "wait...oh my god! The mission! My fellow superheroes! I've completely forgot!" Mosquito exclaimed.

He left his table "Back away,temptresses! Mosquito knows what you are trying to do!" Mosquito declared in a heroic manner to two of the waitresses "Uh,what are you talking about,kid?" One of them asked,clearly confused. "Raisins girls are Mosquito's kryptonite! You gotta get me outta here!" Mosquito pleaded to The New Kid "Well,OK then,here's your bill. Mercedes said,bringing in a piece of paper while other Raisins girls surrounded them. 

Mosquito took the bill from Mercedes hands "Ha Ha! I think not! You tried to charm me. I will not pay this bill!" Mosquito refused holding it up into the air "You have to leave a tip,asswipe!" One of the waitresses protested "They aren't going to let us go without a fight,kid! Let's do this! 

 

**[Battle Start! Defeat the Raisin's Girls]**

Human Kite and Super Craig joined into the fight "Mosquito's coming with us!" Human Kite declared "No chance! See,Mr.Mosquito,we told you everyone else in here was a loser. Here's some losers now!" Lexus mocked. 

Mercedes blew Mosquito a kiss,charming him "I can't leave now,I got a pitcher of lemonade on the way!" Mosquito announced in a daze. "Welcome to the team,your gonna need a total makeover." Ferrari mentioned "That didn't last long"  "Knock some sense into Mosquito,that'll snap him out of it!" Human Kite advised. 

"Girls,let's show these losers how we put the double whammy in our double whammy wings" Mercedes told to her fellow Raisins girls. 

 

  **[[Under Our Spell ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvMss1ooua4)plays] ** 

**[The Raisins Girls]**

Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
You didn't know that you fell.  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Now that you're under our spell.  
Blindsided by the beat.  
Clapping your hands, stomping your feet.  
You didn't know that you fell.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Now you've fallen under our spell.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh-whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh.  
  
**[The Raisins Girl]**  
We've got the music, makes you move it.  
Got the song that makes you lose it.  
We say "jump", you say "how high?"  
Put your hands up to the sky.  
We've got the music, makes you move it.  
Got the song that makes you lose it.  
We say "jump", you say "how high?"  
Put your hands up to the sky.  
  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
You didn't know that you fell.  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
Now that you're under our spell.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Listen to the sound of my voice.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Soon you'll find you don't have a choice.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Captured in the web of my song.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh.  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Soon you'll all be singing along.  
  
**[Lexus,Porsche,and Ferrari]**  
Oh, whoa, oh.  
  
**[The Raisins Girls]**  
We've got the music, makes you move it.  
Got the song that makes you lose it.  
We say "jump", you say "how high?"  
Put your hands up to the sky.  
We've got the music, makes you move it.  
Got the song that makes you lose it.  
We say "jump", you say "how high?"  
Put your hands up to the sky.  
  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
You didn't know that you fell.  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
Now that you're under our spell.  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
You didn't know that you fell.  
Oh-whoa-oh, oh-whoa-oh.  
Now that you're under our  
  
**[Mercedes]**  
Spell.

 

After successfully getting Mosquito out of his trance,and defeating the Raisins girls as they sung their song,Mosquito and New Kid rushed out of Raisins. "Those wenches are my kryptonite! And you must have saved me just in time! I am forever in your debt butt..hero. What is YOUR kryptonite?" Mosquito asked. 

Butthole said nothing "Dude,you can't be a superhero without something your powerless against" Mosquito lectured,once again Erin said nothing "Any particular phobias? Any emotional hiccups? I mean,come on,there's gotta be something..." Mosquito questioned. Still no response form Butthole "Look,it's OK,I'm on your team,Butt...Kid,you can tell me" He reassured,once again,no response "All right,all right,lemmie see your character sheet" he told Erin

New kid did just so,handing Mosquito their phone. New Kid showed that their kryptonite was "old people". "Yeah,old people can be so gross with their wrinkles and wisdom. Check!" Mosquito sympathized. "Great! Job done. Your kryptonite is officially noted" Mosquito said "Now Mosquito must be off! Call on me if you should need me,Coon friend!" Clyde announced,and he left making buzzing sounds. Mosquito now part of The New Kid's battle allies. 

"Hey Butthole,you're doing great. Really quality character sheet stuff happening here. I've got a super secret mission for you. Head over to the new taco shop on main street and...buy me a taco. COON OUT" The Coon instructed The New Kid on video.

 

New Kid went to Freeman's tacos,thanks to the help of Fastpass,they entered the taco shop. "Welcome to Freeman's tacos..." a familiar voice greeted. It was Morgan Freeman,he now runs and owns the taco shop in South Park. "If there's anything I can interest you in...well,you just let me now" He notified The New Kid. 

"Freeman's tacos is completely craft your own...You know what crafting is,don't you?" He asked,Erin gave no response. "Just open up that crafting menu,and we can get started" Morgan Freeman instructed,New Kid did just so. "Let's start with a staple: the burrito. A warm tortilla wrapped around,well,any old something" he said,and gave Erin supplies to craft it,and New kid did just so. 

"Now that you've gotten your first taste of crafting,let's dig in. You can combine food items into whatever you like,go ahead. See what happens when you combine a burrito and an enchilada" Morgan Freeman told them,and of course they did so. Crafting an Enchirito. 

"Congratulations,New Kid. With an enchilada and a burrito you've crafted...and enchririto. That's the first time anyone's ever done that." He congratulated New Kid on their crafting. He handed New Kid some more recipes to help on their journey. 

"And just one more thing...They say that some farts are so powerful they can actually...bend the fabric of time. You be careful out there,you have much to learn...much to learn..." Morgan Freeman told them. 

And so,New Kid left Freeman's Tacos. "New Kid,you've done a decent job so far.Come back to the Coon Lair. I think we shout advance your character. COON OUT" The Coon said on video. New Kid then left to go see the Coon once more.

 

**End Chapter 3,To be continued in Chapter 4**

  
 

 

 

 


End file.
